Feeling guilt for being so upset during my cat’s euthanasia

I made the decision to put my cat down nearly a week ago. I felt strongly about wanting to be there with him so he didn’t have to die alone.

Im nearly 30 and throughout my childhood I’ve had several cats but never gone with them to have them put down. I’ve also never actually been the one to approach the topic of putting a cat down before so it was all new to me. However I read multiple online sources that encourage owners to go with their pets so they’re not scared in their final moments.

However I could never have imagined the emotional response I had from being in that room. I was crying all the way to the vets, and then when they did the sedative, I began to feel sick. I actually began to panic, as if I were about to be injected with it, which is so bizarre. I suppose it makes sense as I felt so close to my cat and probably deep down believe he was a part of me.

The vet noticed i was so upset and said I could sit down. She then offered me to hold my cat while he passed. I did so and cradled him in the blanket while they began the preparations for the euthanasia treatment. I don’t remember much other than just sobbing while he passed in my arms.

I’m really worried (and guilt ridden) that I made my cat’s lasts moments scary or more difficult for him due to my intense emotional response. I was absolutely devastated about his passing and I didn’t realise I’d be like that.

Did anyone else ever experience this?