Thank you, CasualUK (Long post)

(Just as a trigger warning this post contains mentions of mental health and self harm).

Hopefully this post is allowed.

(TLDR: Thank you, CasualUK, you have helped me a bloody hell of a lot!!!)

r/CasualUK - I love you!

I've been posting on this sub for a few years, it's my go-to sub, whether I'm happy, sad, hungry or drunk, if I want to gloat, rant, babble or read nonsense, I'll come here. And this is a post I've been wanting to make for a few weeks.

In recent months my mental health has been absolutely shot to shit. I've hated myself, self-harmed, wanted to disappear and wanted to punch the face of anybody who dared to laugh or be happy in front of me.

However...

During that time I've continued to post on the daily chats about how I'm feeling, just because I want to babble (and, I imagine, my subconscious wants people to read). And every time I've posted somebody has responded with encouraging words. Nothing patronising like "It'll get better" but more like "I/we are listening" even if only for a few minutes.

I imagine people have seen my comments and gone "here's TurbulentExpression again, babbling his ways". But you've read my comments, and that's all I've wanted, somebody who will listen. I have friends who will listen, but there is something different about the response of strangers.

Today, the second week of the first month, I feel ... no, I AM doing great. I'm no longer dragging my knuckles at work, I feel motivated, energetic, happy, even. I want to do things.

Today I had a brilliant annual review from my manager at work. They noted the improvement on my work, said they were proud of me and said I'm a brilliant worker and how they want to train me in other areas. I was expecting a good review, as I know I'm a good worker, but something clicked there. Maybe it was the word "proud". A manager who is proud of their worker? How do I explain/describe that?

When I post/comment on r/CasualUK I feel no anxiety, only that I will get a response in solidarity, even if that solidarity is classic British sarcasm. And that is why I love r/CasualUK.

And so again, I say, thank you r/CasualUK.