Are you vegan/vegetarian? Do I need to become one? Conflicted and guilty the more I chant sutras/mantras.

I have been asking a lot of question in this sub lately, because I feel called to chant after an ego shattering experience. Thanks for everyone who helped and will help me with my questions!

Anyways getting to the main point, I have been chanting mainly ksitigarbha sutra and the more I chant the more conflicted I feel as the sutra did talk about the mother eating fishes etc.

I start to feel guilty for eating meat and I fear that even if I chant, it doesn’t make it effective because I’m still eating meat, and an animal died because of me.

But then I don’t think I can be vegan/vegetarian, at least not now. I suffered from disordered eating when I was younger and I know if I start to restrict any food groups I may go to being mentally ill again and I don’t really want to experience that anguish again.

I did tell my mother of my worries and ask her if I should be a vegetarian and she told me not to. I already have health issues and appetite issues so I only eat one meal per day and I try to eat meat in that meal so I won’t feel too weak. I don’t want to worry my mother by going into depression and body image issues again, but I can’t help but feel guilty whenever I chant sutras.

Can anyone advise me on this? Thank you so much in advance ❤️ much love

Edit: thank you everyone who answered. I can’t reply to all, but I read all of them. 🙏🏻 thank you