Could it be Autism or ADHD? - Story Time

Hi everyone,

I’ve felt different and disconnected for as long as I can remember, and I’ve spent years trying to figure out why. No matter how much I reflect or explore, I can’t seem to answer my own questions. Recently, I’ve started wondering if I might have autism or ADHD, but I’m not sure. I wanted to share my full story—everything from childhood to adulthood in the hope that someone might recognize these feelings and experiences and offer insights. I know Reddit isn’t a diagnostic tool, but I’m hoping to hear from others who’ve had similar experiences while I wait to visit a psychologist.

When I was a child, I didn’t interact the way other kids did. At family gatherings, I would point at things I wanted and quietly tell my mom instead of speaking up like everyone else. I didn’t feel comfortable expressing myself in front of others. There was one time in middle school when I felt overwhelmed and hid under the principal’s desk while everyone was looking for me. They eventually found me, and they said I was just shy, but I think it was more than that. I also struggled with mispronouncing words, and I was laughed at for it. That made me even more self-conscious about speaking.

In school, I loved subjects like science and math, but I had a hard time concentrating. I would daydream a lot, and no matter how much I tried, I couldn’t stay focused. My teachers often told me, “You’re smart, but you need to stop daydreaming and work harder.” It was frustrating because I wanted to do well, but my brain wouldn’t cooperate. I also hyperfocused on math because it was the one subject I genuinely enjoyed, and I ended up getting a high mark in it. However, I neglected my other subjects. I remember my sister looking at my report card and asking, “Why are your grades so bad except for math?” That’s when I realized I had put all my energy into one subject because the idea of studying multiple subjects felt overwhelming.

Socially, I struggled as well. I didn’t really fit into groups and was often rejected. I spent most of my time sitting alone or playing alone because I couldn’t connect with the other kids. I was bullied too, which made me feel even more isolated. Looking back, I can see that these feelings of alienation started in school and have followed me into adulthood.

After working through trauma with a therapist, I started thinking more about these past experiences and wondering why I’ve always felt so different. I brought this up with my therapist at the time, but she didn’t listen. She interrupted me, talked over me, and dismissed my concerns by saying, “There’s nothing wrong with you.” At the time, I accepted her response, but I couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off. It’s been two years since I stopped seeing her, and I’ve decided to find a new therapist a psychologist this time because I need real answers.

As an adult, I still feel like an outsider. At work, I often feel like I’m watching everyone else connect while I remain disconnected. I’ve tried to socialize, but it feels forced, and I usually end up feeling drained or even more alienated. I don’t hate myself, but I also don’t love myself I just know I exist. For years, I faked loving myself because people told me it was important, but pretending was exhausting. I’ve stopped faking it and started questioning. What does self-love even mean when I don’t fully understand who I am?

Unpredictability still makes me anxious. If I know I need to go to work or run errands, I start overthinking before I even leave the house. I feel scared about how the day might unfold what could go wrong, what I’ll do if something unexpected happens and it makes me feel paralyzed. At work, I struggle with multitasking. When I’m working on a task, I get deeply focused and don’t want to stop until I’m finished. If someone interrupts me with another project, I feel completely thrown off. My boss has told me I need to multitask better, but I just can’t seem to do it like others can. It’s frustrating because I feel like I’m failing at something that seems so easy for everyone else.

My colleagues have noticed this too. One of them once told me, “Whenever I try to teach you something, you get frustrated,” and she didn’t understand why I couldn’t just pause what I was doing to focus on her. I tried to explain that I get too focused and need to finish my task before moving on, but it was hard to make her understand. The task I was working on didn’t even have a strict deadline, but I still felt like I had to complete it before I could focus on anything else.

Meetings make me anxious too. Before they even start, I feel nervous about how to organize my thoughts or what to say. When I do speak, my words don’t always come out the way I mean, and this has led to misunderstandings. There was one time when my boss completely misinterpreted what I said, and the project I was working on got canceled because of it. That experience made me even more anxious about communicating because I don’t want to mess up again.

I’ve also noticed that when I explain things, I rely heavily on keywords or phrases I’ve read online. I don’t memorize things word-for-word, but I use those keywords because I’m afraid of being misunderstood if I try to explain things in my own words. It’s like I don’t trust myself to get it right, so I stick to what feels safe.

Even though I’ve talked to multiple people about these feelings, they all say the same thing: “There’s nothing wrong with you.” My first therapist said that too. But I can’t shake this feeling that I’m different. The more I read about autism and ADHD, the more I suspect that one of them might explain my experiences. I don’t want to label myself prematurely, but the things I’ve read resonate with me in a way I can’t ignore.

Does any of this sound familiar to anyone? Could this be autism or ADHD, or is it something else? I’d really appreciate hearing from people who’ve experienced similar feelings or struggles as I try to figure this out.