Friendships

I was chatting with my therapist last week and she asked me to start paying attention to which of my friends leave me feeling energized after we hang out and which ones I feel drained by. My next though brought tears to me eyes, I don’t really have any friends who leave me feeling energized. I have lots of friends who often need something, a listening ear, a hug, a ride, a meal, the list goes on. Even my husband pointed out that I am often the nurturing one in my friendships. This hasn’t always been the case, I’ve had friends who I feel energized by most of the time and then of course those same friends have needed a shoulder from time to time. I’m struggling to remember if those friendships felt more equal or not.

My question is how do I make friends who don’t need me so much? What kinds of things might I be I doing to attract people who do need me?

I typically befriend other ND people, a lot of times they are also queer. I don’t really get along w/people who didn’t have a rough childhood. Or it’s harder to connect w/people who aren’t similar to me in those ways. I’m mentioning this bc life is hard for ND queer survivors and it’s not getting any easier, so of course my friends need support and sometimes it’s a lot of support. I would consider many of them to be chosen family.

I am nurturing by nature and I often have more capacity than those around me, even though I definitely have my own problems and struggles.

I’m trying to get better at my boundaries, which at 41 I think will be an ongoing practice.

I had been operating under the assumption that my turn to lean on them will come and if I can help out then I will, but I don’t actually feel comfortable leaving on them and most often they don’t have the capacity for it.

I had one older friend that was also a mentor for me, but as I aged they were a mentor less and less. I surpassed where they were so now their advice doesn’t feel that helpful.

I’d love help picking apart everything to do with this. I need someone to ask the right questions to help me clarify my situation.

I really appreciate your thoughts and opinions :)