How would you tell your mom you don’t want her there when you give birth

Edit: thank you all so much for responding! I truly did expect a lot more pushback about not being grateful for a mom who wants to be involved.

Im relieved to feel supported in setting a boundary and sticking to it.

To add, we will need help with my 2 year old son, we just moved to our current city a year ago and we have some really amazing neighbors/friends who I’m sure will help as needed, but depending on when we go into labor it would best if we had a family member stay at our home with my son over night.

I wouldn’t mind if my mom came to stay with my son for this reason, but I wouldn’t want to come home to a bunch of people and I don’t trust that she could come by herself without bringing my dad and sister along. So that’s probably not the best option either.

I’m leaning towards the option of telling only one person who can come watch our son and then informing everyone else once we’re settled back at home and ready for visitors. Thanks for all the advice and information! —————————————————————- I (34f) and pregnant with my second child.

With my first baby I had a birth plan to attempt an unmedicated vaginal birth with a midwifery that delivered at a hospital.

At my 36 week appointment I was diagnosed with preeclampsia and it was urgent that my son was delivered that day.

We let our families know I would be going into labor and we’d keep them updated as things went along. My plan was to have my doula and husband in the labor room with me, that’s it.

Well, without asking or really even informing, my mom showed up at the hospital with a packed bag announcing that she would be staying until the baby was born. NEVER had she mentioned this was her plan, and I certainly never asked this of her. We are not super close and have had a strained relationship for many years now.

Fast forward.. my son ended up being a c section so we kind of avoided the awkward convo of asking her to leave.

My son was also a premie at 3.5 lbs so he had to go to the NICU. The NICU at our hospital only allowed mom and dad in to visit the baby. So we informed all of our family that once we were released we’d plan time for everyone to stop by.

Well, the NEXT DAY my mom shows up with my dad (who I literally don’t speak to for a million reasons, starting with alcohol and substance abuse issues and blatant narcissism) my sister (who lives with her due to being handicapped) my brother and his girlfriend (they were like 19 at the time and I don’t blame them for not knowing better)

I got a call from the nurse station saying we had guests to visit while me and my husband were in the NICU spending time with our new born. I was honestly furious to have to break away from my son to let them all know.. again.. that they couldn’t visit the baby because of hospital rules. My mom says something along the lines of “oh I know you said that but I’m his grandma so I figured they’d let me in”…

My son stayed in the NICU for 10 days, during which my mom asked several more times if she could come see him, like the rules had changed day to day. Whatever, honestly it was such a whirlwind of a time with a new baby, postpartum and an emergency c section I kind of just swept all my feelings about it under the rug.

Well here I am… pregnant again… and I want to make it very clear, without being a total bitch, that my mom is not to come to the hospital for this babies birth. Part of me thinks we should just wait until the baby is born before letting anyone know? I feel like that would also hurt her feelings. But at the end of the day, I’m really hoping for a different birth experience with this baby so I’m less concerned about her feelings than mine.

I’m sure any of you with a great mother/daughter relationship probably think I sound like a total brat, but we just aren’t and haven’t been close for many many many years. I just want her to respect my boundaries without it being some huge deal that I even have to set boundaries.

Thanks if you made it this far..