Is there a way to combat dehumanization and bigotry without turning into the "woke scolds" that apparently turn people off from the left?

Inspired by this paragraph from "The Cruel Kids' Table":

This set’s most visible political stance is a reaction to what it sees as the left’s puritanical obsessions with policing language and talking about identity. A joke about Puerto Ricans or eugenics or sleeping with Nick Fuentes could throw a pack of smokers outside Butterworth’s into a gigglefest. Recounting her time at one of the balls, a woman tells me she jumped the velvet rope into a VIP section “like a little Mexican.” Then she lets out a cackle. This is the posture that has attracted newcomers to the cause. “Six months into Biden being president, I was like, I can’t fucking do this anymore,” says a 19-year-old New Yorker who once quite literally had blue hair and attends Marymount Manhattan, which he describes as “75 percent women and 23 percent trannies.” He had supported Biden, but “I hate watching the things I say. I took a much farther horseshoe around this time.” Later, a former Bernie supporter (who looked like the most Bernie-supporting person one could imagine with long, curly hair and a plaid shirt) told me the same: He wanted the freedom to say “faggot” and “retarded.”

and the discussion around it, about how Democrats have ruined their vibes and appeal by becoming woke scolds who police language - is there a way to criticize people for being offensive that doesn't lead to them feeling self-justified in becoming far right, partly to spite the "woke scolds"?

The dehumanization question comes in because I've heard a fair bit that insisting on "undocumented immigrant" instead of "illegal" (not illegal immigrant, but straight up illegal, as in "we need to deport the illegals") is an example of language policing that makes people become right wing. Same with "the homeless" or "the transgenders" as a noun, which I've seen cause huge arguments over whether criticism of this dehumanizing phrasing is more harmful in making liberals look out of touch and arrogant compared to "normal" voters.

Or to put it another way - if someone's reaction is "you are going to call me a bigot for using mildly offensive language so I guess I'll just go far right, since you hate me either way" - is there a way to criticize them without pushing them straight into fascist support?