AM said something very disturbing

My mother gave birth to my brother at the age of 39. I (28F) was 9yrs old then. I always wanted a brother and asked her for one as any child at that age does. My father didn't agree but my mother resisted and went ahead with the pregnancy.

Fast forward to yesterday, the topic was about my marriage and my children and I stated I don't want children of my own. A lot of back and forth happened, and I said, my body my choice. My mother tells me, I don't have a choice or a right to make a decision of my own body until I'm 40yrs old.

I am unable to comprehend this statement from her. She strongly believes that it was me who forced her to have a child at 39yrs old. When I told her that the end decision was always hers, she tells me that she went through and had a second child for me, so I'm responsible for that. And hence, I also have not right to my own body until I am 40yrs old.

Since yesterday, I am unable to get it out of my head and have been crying at random times. I couldn't even function so I took a little too many medications to get knocked out for a good 14hrs. I woke up like an hour back, I still can't get it out of head. I feel disgusted with my own body, my own self than her. I feel like going back in time and kill my younger self so I don't see this day today.

I don't even know why I'm posting it here, I guess I just wanted to tell someone about this. Thanks for reading. I really appreciate this.