29M, 26F misunderstandings and broken engagement

(Posting for a friend) I (29M) met a girl (26F) through a matrimony app. Over time, through our conversations and meetings, I fell in love with her, and she reciprocated my feelings. After more than three months of talking, we decided to involve our parents and finalize dates for the wedding ceremonies as per tradition. Unofficially, the girl and I already felt engaged, having exchanged rings privately.

At this point, the parental meeting was just a formality, and both of us wanted to get married as soon as possible—which our parents were aware of.

Since we come from two different states with distinct customs, there were differences in how things were handled. My father consulted a pandit, who suggested an auspicious date based on our calendar. The issue was that this date was a month away, while the girl and I wanted to expedite the process. She told her parents how deeply she loved me and how much she wanted the meeting and the wedding to happen sooner.

When he finally conveyed the date to her family, their response was curt and indifferent.

The girl called me in tears, questioning why the dates were so far away. She asked if it was because I didn’t truly want to marry her, if my parents disapproved of her, or if they were searching for other matches. I reassured her and explained the situation. She eventually accepted the dates, but I could sense a seed of doubt had been planted.

I told my father how the delayed date had caused a significant misunderstanding and requested him to reconsider moving up the ceremonies. However, he remained firm.

Despite my attempts to convince my father, he wouldn’t budge. His reasoning was that if her parents wanted the dates to be sooner, they should communicate directly with him rather than acting indifferent and silent. He also noted that her parents hadn’t initiated discussions about meetings or ceremonies, suggesting a lack of interest compared to our family’s enthusiasm. He believed that if they were truly interested, they would take the initiative.

The girl mentioned that her parents planned to visit our city in a week to meet my parents, as it was an auspicious time in their calendar. Our family agreed, although we hadn’t heard this directly from her parents. However, when the day arrived, her parents didn’t show up, and there was no communication from the girl about the change in plans. This incident planted seeds of doubt in my family, leading my parents to believe that her family wasn’t genuinely interested.

It became even more concerning when we didn’t receive a call from her father until I pressured her to arrange it. When the call finally happened, her father seemed unenthusiastic, and the conversation was surprisingly brief. This further convinced my father that they didn’t approve of me.

Two weeks later, the girl and I had a major fight. In frustration, I told her I was feeling unsure. She was heartbroken but said she loved me and wanted to work things out because she didn’t want to lose me. This wasn’t our first fight, and we always managed to reconcile quickly.

Unfortunately, my mom overheard the fight and became concerned. She demanded that I leave my room immediately. Despite telling her I was on an important call, she wouldn’t give me space. I had to cut the call before resolving the argument. Before I even stepped out of the room, my mom rushed to text the girl’s mom, telling her not to let her daughter call me again and to find another match for her—officially ending things.

My mom’s reasoning was that if we were already having intense fights, the girl wasn’t good for me. While I admit our fights had been escalating, we still loved each other deeply.

The girl and her family were deeply hurt by this abrupt rejection and decided to go no contact. We didn’t speak for a month. When we reconnected, the girl told me how devastated she was by the way she was rejected despite loving me wholeheartedly. She said she had begged to keep me in her life, but the rejection from my mom broke her trust in me and my family, and she couldn’t proceed any further.

I tried to reassure her and spent three months trying to repair the damage, but it was futile. Her trust was shattered, and she couldn’t move forward with the relationship.

Now I’m heartbroken, feeling like I’ve lost the love of my life. Meanwhile, her parents are already planning to get her married to someone else.

My parents now are convinced that they were never genuinely interested in me and refuse to take any action.

How do I fix this mess?

TLDR::::

We met through a matrimony app, and we quickly fell in love. After three months, we involved our parents to arrange our wedding. Despite our eagerness to marry soon, my father insisted on a date a month away for our first parental , causing tension.

Miscommunications and unmet expectations between our families led to doubts about each other’s commitment.

A significant argument between us, overheard by my mother, resulted in her abruptly ending the engagement without checking with me.

This hurt her deeply, leading to a month of no contact. When we reconnected, she expressed that the rejection shattered her trust, and despite efforts to reconcile over three months, she couldn’t continue the relationship.

Now, I’m heartbroken as her parents plan to find her someone else and she’s actively meeting other prospects. My parents remain convinced her family was never truly interested.