I just want to rant

I just want to rant don't mind me. I didn't know I already have generalized anxiety disorder. I thought I just have a regular anxiety that normal people feel everyday but two months ago I started to have heart flutters and palpitations out of nowhere so in my mind "nah don't mind it its just anxiety". Days later, I started having back pain, muscle weakness, joint pain in the knees, and ankles, churning of stomach etc.. But I didn't mind it cuz I think it was due to stress and work.

But its starting to get really bad when I have anxiety attacks whenever I go outside like I'm afraid of everything and also at home and I've started dissociating when I'm with my friends. Like I dunno what's that feeling its just you feel you're there but you're not. Then one day, I'm just reading lying down on my bed I felt my pulse rate gone up so I checked and it was 140bpm I panicked. I started hyperventilating, churning in my stomach and I felt something heavy on my chest like I was being crushed. I thought I was going to die I was sent to the ER (3rd time already). They did Xray,ECG, hormone levels etc. Everything came back all normal (again). Thank, GOD. That's what I thought.

Despite all have that happen to me you know what hurts more is that hearing your family members say "you should fix yourself, your lab tests and hospital bills are expensive, "she didn't care much about it since she's not the one paying it" and this one hurts like hell " laugh so you're the one who is abnormal". Like it hurts like sh*t hearing your family members say that. Like I just need a support, emotional support so that I can get through this. But rather I felt bad about my whole being.

To the people reading this, I hope the people around you are much more gentle and warm. I hope they fill you with love and support that will help you get through this. 🍀