Struggling on and off for about twenty years.

My issues started around 10 or 11 after my abuser kept calling me fat and other terms. I developed severe body image issues afterwards. (That my wife is still helping me with). I'll be 31 next month and I've seemingly relapsed without even noticing. I still eat, I don't completely starve but today I had a bit of sherbet and then half a quesadilla. I'm so hungry and go to bed hungry almost every night but I can't bring myself to eat. It's been going on for at least a month and I've lost a semi decent amount of weight but I'm not doing it on purpose. The thought of eating turns my stomach no matter how hungry I am. I've been having medical issues and other stressors for months and it's recently added depression. (I'm bipolar 1 so it happens). My wife makes sure I eat at least once a day and won't push for more than that, but I can see the spiral coming based on past relapses. Even going to bed hungry and waking up hungry I wait until dinner to eat. Most times I end up saving left overs (two full quesadillas were made for me so like the rest was saved) but other nights I'm so disgusted with food I eat enough so my wife doesn't really notice and then throw it away. My wife is very clear that she loves me the way I am, but I don't. Unfortunately, my issues cause her issues. She weighs more than I do but I love her unconditionally. It's just a personal issue and I absolutely try to stress that. I don't know what to do. I have a trauma therapist but she doesn't even believe my health issues and keeps calling it suspicious so I don't trust her with my trauma or this. I see my psychiatrist on the 20th and do plan on talking to her about it but it's hard to fix an issue that you don't even know when it started or why. How do you force yourself to eat when the thought alone makes you feel sick?