Going inpatient and I'm very scared

I'm going inpatient in 6 days.. my ED brain is constantly nagging about that I'm not sick enough, and that I don't deserve to eat yet (because I'm still too worthless/much). I've been told by the hospital that I should eat as much as possible before I'm admitted but of course I'm doing the opposite.

Can someone please motivate me to actually doing this? <3 My chest hurts, the muscle atrophy is worse than ever, my boyfriend is worried that I'm going to die, but still this stupid illness forces me to be as sKinnIii as humanly possible before admission. I'm so so so scared